| Critic |
Review |
Quote |
Analysis |
This Week's Verdict |
Manohla Dargis,
The New York Times |
Spider-Man 3 |
"The bittersweet paradox of this franchise is that while the stories have grown progressively less interesting the special effects have improved tremendously, becoming at once more plausible." |
This statement seems to apply to movies in general. Hell, it seems to apply to life in general. |
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Rebecca Traister,
Salon.com |
The Business of Being Born |
"A magical mystery tour of bodily fluids, sliced uteri, gloppy infants and gaping vaginas. I watched it at a press screening seated across the aisle from John Waters. Waters appeared calm if slightly faint as baby after baby was sloppily disgorged. 'I said to John after the screening that I bet that was the most vaginas he's ever seen in his life!' said Ricki Lake." |
Much like the idea of John Waters watching Ricki Lake give birth, this review is both wonderful and horrifying. |
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Nathan Lee,
The Village Voice |
Spider-Man 3 |
"The best that can be said of Spider-Man 3 is that it sheds some light on the whole skinny black jeans phenomenon. . . A peevish obsidian liquid ooz[es] its way toward Parker's moped, soon to transform the mild-mannered Forest Hills dork into a monochromatic hipster sporting asymmetrical bangs, black eyeliner, and calf-hugging trousers. Our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man has become . . . MisShaped!" |
For someone who professes dislike for skinny black jeans Nathan Lee seems to know an awful lot about said garments and their wearers.
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Armond White,
The New York Press |
Spider-Man 3 |
"Spider-Man 3 makes no room to explore the pathos of average people coping with daily life; the shift to comic book mythology childishly glosses the complex choices necessitated by Parker's family problems, love life and social issues." |
The quality of any movie, no matter its genre or intentions, can be judged by its engagement in social issues and how well it conveys "the pathos of average people." |
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Dana Stevens,
The LA Times |
Spider-Man 3 |
"Tobey Maguire struts the streets of New York like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever, giving finger guns to every attractive woman he sees. He heads into a clearance sale and comes out looking fine in a suave black suit. He performs a weird Bob Fosse jazz-hands evil dance with his new love interest Gwen Stacy (Bryce Dallas Howard) while Mary Jane looks on, crushed." |
Not sure if it was Dana Stevens's intention, but while other reviews have established that Spider-Man 3 is to be avoided like the plague, this part about Toby Maguire giving finger guns and making jazz-hands makes the movie seem worth paying for. |
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